Why do we hate sports teams from other cities with such passion? Subjectively it should be clear that the athletes on a team in a given city are, on average at least, no smarter, better or more dedicated than another. So why do people feel such extreme emotions about their local franchise? Using my own experiences as an example, let's take a closer look.
I'll begin with some CFL Football clubs. Of course the sexual preference of the Stampeders' quarterback is highly questionable but in this day and age people are learning to be more accepting of alternate lifestyles so that shouldn't matter. Nor should the fact that a large percentage of the Saskatchewan Roughrider players have been caught in compromising situations with barnyard animals, giving the term "wide receiver" a whole new meaning. I mean their personal choices do raise some moral alarms, and i guess it explains that funny way they walk, but activities outside the game shouldn't affect their playing ability. And then there's the coach of the Toronto Argonauts, Ed Ippus-Rex, who killed his father and unknowingly married his mother, had her bear his children and, when he ultimately found out the truth, gouged out his own eyes, but that's more tragic than anything else. Yet respectable people despise all of these teams. And it's not just in football.
In the NHL, the Calgary Flames instituted a mandatory "Date Your Cousin" rule which, though frowned upon by the league, surprisingly falls inside the terms of the collective bargaining agreement. One of their former players, Theo Fleury, was furious when the announcement was made, not because he was opposed, but because he had in fact made its instatement a personal crusade of his all throughout the 1980's and '90's but the rule was never put in place during his *cough* illustrious career. He made a rather pathetic attempt at a comeback in order to partake but having never learned to skate finally caught up with him as Calgary Flames hockey has come a long way since his time in the league. The Vancouver Canucks, in a clear case of bullying, were forced by some of the larger teams to draft twin sisters in the '99 Entry Draft and the franchise's record, not to mention their masculine pride, has suffered to this day because of it. Maybe these negative feelings are starting to make sense after all. Let's check out another sport and see if the trend continues, tennis.
The Williams "sisters" are two of the most decorated *female tennis players of the last decade, not to mention a huge success story for the sexual reassignment industry. Using groundbreaking stem-cell research, scientists were able to combine the grace and speed of a horse with the face and temperament of a hippopotamus. One would think such a story would only inspire people but children run away and grown men have been known to scream at their approach. Now what about in baseball?
Just kidding, baseball isn't a sport.
Well after careful research it seems clear that the hatred one feels toward opposing sports teams is not only entirely justified, but something that needs to be encouraged for the good of the human race. We smart people need to go forth and multiply and I mean NOW because you know they are, even if their babies are half man/half sheep! So unless you're fine with the country being overrun with inbred, child-eating, gopher-abusing troglodytes, get to the baby-makin'.
*The word female is intended only in the loosest manner due to the lack of a proper term.
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