Take the English for starters, they started a war over their right to sell drugs to Chinese addicts, haven't had a single culinary success in their thousand year history, and they steadfastly refuse to obey any sort of dental hygiene regimen. That being said, i'm sure English people have many redeeming qualities I'm not aware of, I only lived there for a year after all. I promise to dig deep over the coming weeks and months in an attempt to find something positive to say about the dirty English and their inbred royal family.
But back to me, how do you begin your first broadcast to the viewing public. Obviously I need to be cutting edge cool, hilariously offensive(see above), and heartwarmingly touching. Or I could start with a complete rant about something I hate a couple times a month. Hell I could just make a list of the things that I hate, that's enough to fill up several posts. But no, while I promise let my strong feelings on sensitive subjects be known more often than I should, I want to first speak about something with a little more substance.
Zombies. While it is widely accepted that zombies do not exist, one has to admit the possibility of their existence at some later point or in some other reality. If you put any stock in the theory of infinite parallel universes then I can GUARANTEE you that your mom is a zombie in several of them. For that matter in a truly infinite multiverse your zombie mom is dating Hitler. So if we accept that zombies could exist in theory, the natural next step is to panic. Go pillage a hardware store and light some cars on fire. I'll wait.
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